~ muhasabah diri ~

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim and greetings to all..

nothing much to share..

just something that i've been keep secret all the time..

nothing much to be happy 'bout all these one week at cairo..

everytime i'm go there, it's all the same things happen..

everytime i'm there, i'm always shed tears because of you..

and this time, i'm really really regret for being there..

and now, i'm keep asking myself..

am i not good enough for you??

am i not kind enough for you??

do you regret having me??

am i ashamed you?? 

i'm keep wondering all 'bout those question..

when i'm asking you, you just keep smiling..

and, deep inside, it's kill me..

it's really hurt me..

it's like, i'm not important at all..

why you need to praised someone else in front of me??

why you have time to spend to others but not with me??

why you can call that person but not me??

why you always angry at me?? 

it's no point after all if i keep going there..

why we meet if there will be fight between us..

it's really hurt..

after a week, here i am..

going back to my place without talking to you..

going back with flu and fever..

going back with deep hurt..

i need to calm myself..

need to keep remind myself not to concern at all..

it's nothing to compare with what i've been felt all this time..

i'm used to it..

i need to accept it..

someone told me ;

i'm strong enough, that's why Allah keep put test on me..

but, the truth is, i'm just me..

the ordinary person that also have the weak point..

that also need someone's understanding..

that also need a shoulder to rely on..

i'm love you..

i'll always love you even it's hurt..

and i'm keep telling myself, "everything will be okay"